The System Administrator

It wasn't until 1997 that I got my first computer. It wasn't my first touch with the machine though. There was this beautiful language called Logo which is now a childhood shrine. I remember when I was in class 3, our strict computer teacher Mr. Haque used to take us to computer lab and ask us to take off our shoes and socks and quietly follow him inside the lab. Computer labs had such enigmatic and charismatic aura about them with the carpets, curtains and exhaust fans running wild. While we sat on carpet looking at the machine(was it 286?) with utmost bewilderment, he told us that he is going to log in and show us how it works. At that point of time, I only knew that he has some special access to the computer and he practically controls it using his secret password. He was the administrator. The System Administrator! The man who owns the machine and knows how to make it work and turn and twist it in whatever way possible. The man who uses his cryptic knowledge to interact with the weird looking wafers inside the machine. Oh, what a privilege!

After a couple of years, I frequented a certain computer lab to play games like Dave and run DOS commands like dir. Every time I went there, I was greeted by simple yet shrewd looking men who used to log in the machine with the username Supervisor. As a curious kid who asked "What's this?" and "What's that?" to everyone around, I couldn't stop myself from asking about it. With genuine nonchalance and as a matter of fact, he told me that he was the System Administrator. I looked around at the 10 odd computers(was it 386?) and marveled at this man who knew how to operate and administer all of them at once. Well, he was The System Administrator. The interface between mankind and the world of bits and bytes(this piece of information was acquired much later). Human with the magic wand! It wasn't even remotely an obsession but I started respecting system administrators and secretly yet fervently wished to be like them. There came the winter of 1997 when first computer(was it 486?) landed up in my home. A certain fat engineer came to do the settings and instinctively I knew he belonged to hallowed family of system administrators. He set the BIOS password and told me what it is. The desire deep down inside got me enthralled and I asked him to give me the BIOS password. He paused abruptly and gave me a suspicious bone-chilling look and smirked "No kid, you'll damage the machine.". Knowing that I couldn't complain to my parents "Look, this guy is not giving me password but I want to be a system administrator", I resigned to fate and restricted myself to simple dos commands, Windows 3.1 and the 8-bit games. School got over and college started and my new college had various labs with lots of computers(was it Pentium I?). I did a recce of the labs and I knew there would be guys around who would be system administrators for those machines. It felt good. During the initial few classes of structured programming, a professor having domineering personality told us about the passwords that we would get to access Linux machines. He was the master, the creator, the god of the machines: the superior of system administrators. System administrators were typically lean, mean and thin guys who often ate samosas in the corner and didn't interact much with the masses. Four years of college where plenty of time was spent in labs, I had this slightly empty feeling of not playing the role of system administrator ever. The guy who set the BIOS password in 1997 was still insurmountable.

My first job was at Hewlett Packard, an IT company with lot of system administrators. I got my desk, my machine(was it Pentium II?) and usernames and passwords. Alas, none of them had administrator privilege and this felt like a fleeting dream. I didn't pay much heed to it afterwards and continued with my work. I used to write shell scripts and ftp on servers residing in US etc. and many times I had to request someone with the admin access and that was just routine. That was just routine until one fine day my manager called me inside conference room for a talk. He asked me calmly "Do you want to be a system administrator for those servers?". When you look back at the your life and the incidents that happened and were forgotten, certain moments stand out leaving indelible marks on life. Those moments had plethora of exuberance and unmatched excitement and gave tremendous satisfaction. This was one such moment. This was it. The calm atmosphere inside the conference room felt unreal and suddenly all the chairs, round table, white boards vanished and it was like I am standing in space and from a different galaxy my manager is mincing the words like a robot running on low battery "Do- you - want - to - be- a- system- adm..inis..trator..". I suddenly shifted back to reality and wanted to blurt out "What? You're asking me if I want to be a system administrator? Don't you know all my life I wanted to be one? Don't you..". I said yes exuberantly. Since that day, every time I saw my manager at the coffee machine, canteen, outside his meeting room, lift and practically anywhere and everywhere, I asked him "Hello. When are you making me system administrator?". I am sure he grew suspicious and wondered what is wrong with me but one fine day I got a system generated mail stating my administrator username, ozak. I heaved a sigh of relief and walked around the office quietly and triumphantly. I looked at the Linux workstations around, the bash prompt and it felt surreal. I was the system administrator. I never bothered about updating resume regularly but I made it a point to add 'Linux System Administrator' to it. It was a system administrator role limited to those machines but what the heck, I was the system administrator. Every time I typed su on the bash prompt, I was overjoyed. Like all variants of happiness, this too was ephemeral and the initial euphoria subdued after a few days however the feeling of contentment lingered. It was probably a normal human psyche to be in control of things but more importantly it was coupled with a love called technology.

The guy who set the BIOS password in 1997 and refused to share, hello, I too have admin privileges now.

Old scribbles

Just went through my pages on some of the old sites, I had registered and forgot like Myspace, WAYN etc.

Something I wrote back on Myspace then:

Sunday, March 30, 2008

Random Current mood: amused Financial year coming to an end. Waiting for April 11. Waiting for April 30. Will call tomorrow. 11:13 PM 0 Comments (Add Comment) | 0 Kudos Translate

Friday, June 29, 2007

New Current mood: cold Half of this year is almost over! Stop!!! 4:36 PM 0 Comments (Add Comment) | 0 Kudos Translate

Friday, March 09, 2007

Bus Conductors!! Current mood: curious Category:Life I always wonder how bus conductors manage to be so sharp! The way they shout continuously, push and pull people and collect tickets, it seems that they have unrelenting source of energy. How do they manage to remember who all have already taken tickets in over-crowded buses? Just to check, once I took ticket and moved to another section of crowd that had just boarded in the bus. The conductor came and gave tickets to everyone and simply ignored my physical presence!! And mind you, the bus was crowded to full with 20+ people checking in and out at every stop. Hail Conductors!! *Yawn* 11:42 AM 0 Comments (Add Comment) | 0 Kudos Translate

Something I wrote on WAYN in 2003...

amod's Favorites

Film	Titanic
Type of music	Rock
Song	November Rain
Band/Group	GNR
Person	Not specified yet
Quote	keep quiet.
Place to party	Beach
Place to relax	Village
Place to holiday	Wildlife Sanctuary
Book	Calculus - IA Maron
Sport	Chess

Sigh!!

Last Class

I had my last regular class as a regular student on 15th Feb, 2010 5:30-6:30 PM at the Auditorium. It was Strategic Marketing class by Prof Chandradeep Mitra. The class was about discussing the strategy by which Indian coffee was made popular in international markets. It was a combined class for both the sections. I sat with Virapandy ,may be in third or fourth row from the start. I had a class too next day at 9 AM but I had to bunk that for some unavoidable reason. Technically, I bunked my last class but I don’t like to construe it this way. I had to bunk it, not a choice, so my last class would remain the same 15^th Feb class. There was a video shown in the class which was a short film made to promote Indian Coffee. I quite liked it asked the professor for a copy of it. He didn’t disappoint me.

Class before it begins

Class Ends and People walk away

I clicked pictures. Lately this is the thing which is giving me most satisfaction- capturing moments.Now that I will longer remain a student, I will go out in the open world and find out the things that give most satisfaction.

A Journey

I feel bemused as I sit in my comfy room on top of a Malabar hill and type this out. It has been a scintillating journey which sprang surprises at every instant. The run of events over past two years drives me crazy when I sit and ponder about it. Tomorrow it will be one year since I left my first job ever and it seems it was eons ago. When I joined, I was in a regretful mood for not being able to do well in CAT05 and convert the few calls that I had. I wasn't much hopeful about the job but I was pleasantly surprised due to a lot of propitious occurrences like getting the best division and company of new college friends. I met new people and enjoyed working or going out with them. Time flew. I got bored and started looking for a change. I made profiles on monster.com and naukri.com and explored the opportunities and it was October when I finally got through a good company of my choice. Again it was unexpected and the while the dust settled I had moved to an entirely different place away from family. I settled and there were mighty changes and once again CAT and interviews took over and as a consequence, I’m here. This sudden bout of nostalgia poured in because of CAT 08 which is scheduled on this Sunday. It will be the first one in last 4 years for which I won’t be appearing. CAT had ruled my mind probably more than deep crushes that I had and I can gladly look back at it as a humbling experience. After coming to IIMK, it was been a joyful ride with just a few glitches. I organized the hostel party day before yesterday and it was fun. I have a free (almost) weekend ahead and a few parties too.

Of Fading Memories, Cricket & More

I remember standing in a crowded school bus somewhere in the 1996 summers when I overheard someone saying “India has finally got two good players- Ganguly and Dravid”. Today one of them decided to call it a day and few others who have been omnipresent on television screen are going to do it soon. I’m not a big fan of Ganguly or Sachin or anyone (except Lara) but I’m more worried about the void that will be left behind. The sight of these players doing the stuff they are known for, for years, is so deeply engraved in our minds that the feeling of ‘what next’ isn’t really pleasing. The passage from childhood to present times has shown me a lot of new things in life but not as much as I would have liked to satiate myself. I was born and brought up at a place where even electricity was a luxury (I faintly remember kids in neighbourhood screaming in joy whenever power came). The TV shows like Chitrahaar and Saturday/Sunday cinema on modern DD-1 were the spikes of entertainment in the barren feudal land. There weren’t any computers (and we can’t think without internet?), songs, dance videos, porn, video games, flash games, rock stars, pop stars, junk stars, flirting, x-day cards, y-day cards and xy-day cards for the kids of our times and sports meant cricket, just cricket, unless you could raise appreciative glances from your uncles by playing the great Indian and apparently intellectual game of chess. The emptiness due to all the historical and sociological factors made cricket the real entertainment and probably that’s the reason why I feel the void so wide that it signals the end of an era- not just of cricket, but more of me as a puppet-show watcher. It’s the pace that makes me uncomfortable, of course things moved at the real gentle pace, probably I wasn’t as fast.

I loathed the way Indian media ill-treated these players and pushed them towards retirement. India media probably considers itself as the force that brings change. However for a change, they show reports on commissioner’s lost dog and shiny flying objects but otherwise they are the harbinger of all great things that happen in the country. Commercialization is okay but being so fake and interfering and then overdoing to gain viewers’ attention is criminal. Indians on field were as arrogant as Australians but these things aren’t portrayed the way they should be. And I’m preaching like politicians, which doesn’t serve any purpose.

Getting back to reality, I had an amazing-cubed bike trip to Wayanad and nearby areas. It was a welcome break after the midterms and we really enjoyed to the local maxima after the excruciating mid-terms. A 300 km bike trip in a place like Kerala can at best be described by pictures; still it will be far from reality because you can’t feel the wind in your hair.


Its the path we followed to and fro..

H-life

HYDERABAD MEMOIRS

Dusty streets of Madhapur|My home with 3-side balcony|Parties@ Café Latte | Flashy Biking at Jubilee hills, road no. 36 and Banjara hills|Traffic Police haunting|Frequent trips to McDonalds at City centre (often with Nitesh)|Get-togethers at IIIT|The Ayyappa society road for daily shopping|Parathas@ Rajasthan Food House|Cousin’s trip|Trips to Bangalore for interviews|MMTS, Hitech City Railway station|CL Ameerpet and Workshop at Ragala resorts|Riding back to home for lunch|Winding streets|Pearl shops|Hyderabadi Chicken Biryani|A moment that changed equations|Late night talks on phone|A wonderful experience to remember|Naveen's Village|New year's get together at JD's room|...

The 80s boy

The 80s boy is at crossroads. When he grew up enough to understand his surroundings, he saw light-bulbs, scooters, telephones( where you put a finger in and rotate till the end, causing a zirrr sound), none of them functionally existing now. The 80s boy was sent to school where he learned and made friends. Every morning he watched his father with his squint eys, who woke up leisurely, did his daily and household chores, read newspaper and went to office on a scooter. The 80s father returned back in evening and enjoyed a cup of tea, watched TV and discussed politics with an occasional guest. A simple dinner, little bit of family discussion where the 80s father told his son to study, cited examples of successful people with a hope that the son would reach there too. Then they all called it a day. The 80s mother loved her child and wanted him to study and become a successful person. The 80s boy was told to stay ahead in the race. The 80s boy took all this seriously and he looked around and pondered about his life. He thought when he will grow up he would live a simple life like his father, but he found that his surroundings, his house, his town inspires him to achieve something bigger which leads to a "better" life. This pursuit of 80s boy changed his world.

The 80s boy studied and became active at school. He participated in different activities, sports to see how good he can be. The 80s boy saw the 80s girls. He was inquisitive, painfully shy and slightly frightened by this foreign creature. Co-existence brought the fact to him that this new kind of human isn't much different except for her long hairs, candied voice and un-boyish choices. Unwittingly, the 80s boy was attracted to the 80s girl and tried to find out why she smiled or flipped her hair, asked a particular thing and did stuff that was weird from his perspective. The 80s boy was dreamy and wanted to learn more about the outside world which he hadn't seen. His curiosity was his inspiration and his dreams were his motivation. The 80s boy wanted to excel wherever he laid his hands, just like his peers. The small battles became fierce and it fuelled a high degree of self-esteem that sometimes bordered with egotism. Competition, politics, finding shortcuts, peer rivalry, shrewdness were the order of 90s and later, the 80s boy soon got accustomed to it and went on without much difficulties. The 80s boy was headstrong, adamant about what he wanted. He knew he had to swim or he will be drowned in the ocean, either by his incompetence or being pulled down by other. He knew he had to cross the ocean, but what lies on the other side? He could just dream about the other side.

The 80s boy kept on fighting for the best things. He won many and lost many. A loss hurt more than a win pleased, because his pursuit made him feel that winning is just habitual while losing is disastrous. He became mechanical and quantified many facets of his life, which shielded small pleasures that were meant to be just felt. The 80s boy didn't rever the cool breeze falling on his face in the evening, his mind was preoccupied with the work that he needs to finish at night. Time flied and the 2000s arrived. The 80s boy came out of his teens and joined the rat race to achieve "something" wilfully, as if he were not already a part of it. He ran after elusive things and was run out. He went after something aggressively and was stumped. He tried to score maximum but was caught somewhere in between. He was given yellow card for his perceived pugnacity, aptly or otherwise. But, the 80s boy was clever and found his own ways to score in the game of life. Every failure made him shrewd and tougher than ever before. He won battles, one after another until he was bemused about the final outcome. What's there at the end, the other side? He remembered his father living a simple yet satisying life, and look, he himself is living a complicated and a no better life, after all this turmoil. The 80s boy wondered about this world, wondered what went wrong either with himself or with the system? The 80s boy, now in his 20s(so-called quarter-life) is perplexed what is worth running after that keeps him going and most importantly, contented? He earns a lot in this globalized world, still he yearns to earn more by putting up some extra fight. He looks unidimensionally at other 80s boys who are ahead of him and so he never realized that he left many behind him. The big things of 80s like aeroplane, AC, car are commonplace now. There are more luxurious and branded things now, though the 80s boy is fully aware of what he wants and what he doesn't. Still, he's just a part of the race. The 80s boy is at crossroads, once again.

my school

1992-2000
:)

changing times

There has been quite a lot of difference in my life after coming to Hyderabad. The 13 km one-side drive in horrible traffic has now become 3 km saunter-like bike ride on wide open roads. The earliest person to leave office is now putting long working hours. The weekends that were spent with close friends are now quite lonelier with little or no activity. Frequent trips and some night-outs at IIIT Hyd with old friends have been freshening, giving me an old familiar feel of college life and hostel that sometimes I yearn for. Food, that kept me entertained for most of the time, has now become a need-based requirement and I often miss out on that! With the choice(?) of just one caterer in office, I have become selective(?) about food or lack thereof. Yeah, high proportion of McD and KFC burgers have kept me weighing the same and luckily, the fat hasn’t started showing up yet. I might frequent to ground-floor fitness centre, the moment I see an iota of fatty skin hanging somewhere.

I don’t like staying up late in office. I often stay beyond times, which I never thought of spending in cubicle, either working, or dilly-dallying with some peculiar kind of problem. I can’t imagine myself sitting in office beyond 8 PM regularly. when I’m married with many kids. A good work-life balance is of utmost importance, to anyone who can see beyond cryptic codes, balance sheets and board room meetings. American companies become a difficult proposition as they outsource a lot of work(often back-end) with stringent deadlines to deal with. The time difference of almost 12 hrs is good and bad, good that work goes 24 hrs around the globe and bad when people need to sync up together then someone has to spend nights in office and generally they’re us Indians. After all, money matters for ordinary man.

There has been revival of interests in my life. Apparently, I’ve become a grandiose cell-phone talker and I have started believing that pre-paid is cheaper than post-paid. (There are full talktime cards and Re1 schemes, why was I paying so much rental and 12.36 % tax all these years?). Scrabble, how much I loved it when I was a kid!! Though I didn’t play it enough in those younger years, I’m making up for it now on Facebook’s Scrabulous :). Sadly, there is a bit of fight over it and hopefully scrabulous will remain afloat. I’m eagerly waiting for Adelaide test now. This Aussie-India series have become a real battle, though a bit ugly at times, but it has invigorated the seemingly dull game. Cricket has become interesting again! And just like it, a few other things too!

su - ozak

I'm done! My first job is over. I've clicked pictures here and there, burnt 3.07 GB of nostalgia and bid goodbye to many. Right now, I've completed all the exit formalities and am waiting for a friend to come. Incidentally, it's one of my friend's birthday today so I don't have to go back home. The ride back home alone would have been melancholic as I'm leaving some really good stuff behind me. It was great -coming out of college-moving to a big city-few friends to accompany-work-learn-be responsible-work-learn- ... . I've learnt more in last 1½ than I did in 4 years of engineering. Learning by experience is the best way to learn.

I was able to sucessfully pursue the dream. It might appear a bit dry that I was just keen on changing a job and called it the dream? Dreams aren't supposed to be such hackneyed stuff. But the way I carried myself loosely in last few years, it was no less than a dream.

I hated outlook before coming to office. I thought it's one of the most useless softwares made my microsoft which complicates things, opens virus attachments unwarrantedly and acts sophisticated to give you a "corporate" feel. It was good to have a mind shift by experience. Software engineer- An insider's view and An outsider's view are way too different. I intend to write it in detail sometime later. Lastly it might be lingering in your mind, why this blog is titled su - ozak? It's a linux command that I used atleast 25 times in my daily work, so it looks apt to name it this way. su is switch user ozak was my linux ID with special admin privileges that I used for logging and doing stuff as a part of my job responsibility that a normal developer was not supposed to do.

Bangalore is a pretty nice place, it just needs a bit of self-policing to make itself nicer! Hyderabad, I'm pretty sure it would be nice and I've hordes of Hyderabad lovers around me. Biryani is good nonetheless! kill -9 0

September

How was my september? Anything worth to remember? Yes, in bits and pieces, but yes, nonetheless. I got rid of something which I shouldn't have ever accumulated at the first place.

The month started with a hopeful note. Few years back I had the beginning of a dream, but it was so far far away from ever becoming a reality that I couldn't dare to dream further. For a signifact part of this month, I chased it down, edged closer and closer but I still have some covering to do.The last day of the month was quite special. I met a very close schoolfriend after almost six years and ask me, was it fun? It was a blast! I wasn't quite in touch except few small, hasty yet conducive chats on yahoo messenger that was called for when one side was bored and the other busy. When you meet a old friend after many years, you discover so many new facets of changed lives. It almost felt like I was in a different world than them and suddenly the two worlds have united with their own characteristics intact. And yeah, I got the same old remark that goes like "Hey, you've not changed at all!" which is a mild way of putting "Hey, there's still no improvement in you. Why? I was expecting a bit, but that's fine, there's still time. Good luck!". :)

Hyderabadi Biryani never tasted so good!

Trail of Music

When I created this blog, I named it Lost for Words in the same breath. I don’t know, probably I’m almost always at loss of words, or may be the lunatic in my head was more inclined towards this Floydian verse. It’s the impact, the ruminations that goes on subconsciously that makes you see things with this perspective. In the 70s, the anti-establishment punk rock inspired youth and influenced their lifestyles. Punk culture was symbolic of youthful rebellions, strange clothing, I-don’t-give-a-damn thinking and DIY (Do it yourself!) attitude. Music kept altering peoples’ lives and various genres had their own effect. For those people who live only to earn their bread, like me, music was just to give some moments of relaxation and unbridled self assessment. In my case, I can relate to music to some distinct phases of my life. A particular song brings me back to somewhere, where I had been at some point of time in my life. When I listen to My Sacrifice by Creed, I feel as if I’m traveling on top or the side stands of a jeep, leaning out with my hair blowing in the wind. No, I’m not demented or drugged enough to hallucinate; it’s just the primeval association of this song to those carefree days of my Rural Internship (May 2003, Gujarat).

I have more of such reminiscences. When I was preparing for engineering entrance examinations during class 12th (2001-2), I used to study whole night (seriously). I always had my walkman ear-plugged in nightlong (inferior technology of bygone days :) ) and I only had a few cassettes mostly of Bryan Adams and some of Boyzone(and other Boy bands). Even today when I listen to Bryan Adams, I visualize myself sitting in the drawing room with Physics book open, calculator, trash paper full of mathematics scattered around me. Any song of The Best of Me album will make me feel the same way. I always liked the songs of Rang De Basanti and I listened to it continuously during the period when college ended and job was yet to start. Today any RDB song especially Khoon Chala reminds me of those self motivating days. I will list down some more as I remember:


Class 8th 9th 10th - Britney Spears, Back Street Boys, J Lo ( What trash I used to listen!! But we all make mistakes in childhood :) )

Class 10th – Titanic Tunes ( Love it!! So romantic and melancholy)

Class 11th 12th – Bryan Adams, Boyzone, Celine Dion, Strings (Duur, Anjane etc.)

1st and 2nd semester – Progressive ( There was this assorted cassette. Had really good songs like In the End(LP), Youth of the Nation(POD), Headstrong(Trapt), California here we come etc.), The Wall by Pink Floyd( I was introduced to PF by my elder cousin. The first song was probably Shine on a New Crazy Diamond. I didn’t like it then, one of the grave childhood mistakes you see :), but I liked it after listening to We don’t need no education and since then it has been ON always.)

Rural Internship- Weathered Album by Creed particularly My Sacrifice and One Last Breath. (There was this young Class 8th guy whom we called RJ. He had this cassette luckily. The song One Last Breath reminds me of my biggest crush so far. After the infatuation got over, it has been my ringtone since last four years.)

Exam time in college- Bhavesh used to play enrique songs to keep us awake whole night. :)

Feb 2006 Delhi Trip- This was for the IMS Seminar for IIM interviews. We three friends were there. The song Zinda Hoon Main brings us back to the hotel room.

Mar 2006 Delhi Trip- This was for my IIMK interview and that time I was in awe of this Floyd song Lost for Words and listened it continuously.(I have this habit of listening the same song for weeks). This still reminds me of the great time I had with my cousins there.

June 2006 Shimla Trip- I hate to say but this trip was associated with Himesh Reshammiya ( I hope I have got the spelling entirely wrong). We travelled in a car and there were loads of Reshammiya cassettes, hence no choice. Gangster songs also marked this trip.)

Bangalore days- Mostly It has been Pink Floyd with notably high frequency of songs like The Final Cut, Wish You Were Here, On the Run etc. Iron Maiden follows next.

That’s it I guess. All these songs have bouts of memory behind them. It’s like having a trail to the past- listen a song and relate it to the bygone days. I’m nostalgic, am I not?

Lost, Alone, Confused, ...

Last few months have been eventful and brought a flurry of changes. When I was in college, I used to have my dinner alone and I pretty much aced this unsought act of eating alone and quickly. Now that I am living in a flat with college friends(became friends after coming here) spending a lot of time with them including dinner, I still feel alone. I have this queer syndrome of feeling alone when I am in a herd. Infact my whole unstructured thought process, way of living, way of delivering is haunted by a flock of queer syndromes. Cynical, as someone rightly referred me to be, I feel terribly upset when I couldn't convey my truest feelings to few people who matter most. I had a major misunderstanding with my sweetest friend, all due to my queer syndromes, and I wonder if I will be able to sort it out, if I will be able to tell her how important she is. She said that "the greatest crime is to hurt a heart that loves" and I believe I am the greatest sinner.

I stepped out of engineering college to start working as a software engineer. While everything is running as expected on this front, a lot of things are lacking in my personal life. I always try to keep myself busy even when resources are scarce but there are certain things I can't do away with, can't stop thinking about, can't let it go just like that. Thinking back about the opportunities I lost, the relationships which came to my door and I couldn't enliven or the dilemmas which engulfed me till I drowned, I feel it is better to start all over again. Like in a game of Age of Empires when the city is under attack, you build many layers of wall to prevent the rampaging army from entering, build barracks, archery ranges, watch towers hastily and devote all your resources just to build the army, even when you know it is just a peanut which will ultimately succumb. What is the use of resources and faculties if it can't give you life for a while? Finally after delaying the invasion for some time, you run away with the villagers to nearest ally and build all over again and fight back with valour. In my case, unfortunately there is no such ally I can look forward to and fortunately I'm not so hapless that I need to run. I have the resources with me but I need to wait for the right time to strike the iron.The problem lies inside and so does the solution.

PS- I am writing blog after such a long time and that too full of laments. Sorry people! I wanted to post about my college-end and job-start stories but at this point of this time, I guess this blog is more apt. I have decided to do things at the right time.Thanks to Ranjan and Naresh whose blogs inspired me to write.

Feelings, Emotions and What not!

It is expected that by the time a boy turns 22 he is matured enough and well-versed with the intricate complicacies of the system. This great expectation might disappoint you if consider me, since I'm turning 22 tomorrow :) . While this is purely subjective, more important is how does one plan to go further on his path? If you ask me {which you haven't :) but what the heck? this is my blog afterall :D}, it solely depends on one's personal discretion and ambitions. Every individual will do what suits best for him. I and my friends in DA-IICT are on the verge of completion of college life, don't know who will take which path and even the common string(read DA-IICT) has moulded individual personalities in different ways. For me, it wasn't as good as it could have been, but surely it was an enriching experience.

First thing, I grew up as a person. Now this is pretty obvious as when I came here I was 18 and now I'm 22 but alongwith physical growth it is the mental growth which matters more. As an almost-22 year old guy, I'm able to take decisions independently now. My mind is flooded with feelings, emotions and what not! I remember loads of stuff, maybe I'll write it in details in my next blog. Since we're parting our ways and not getting ample time to interact due to BTP, we've to think of something which will help us to interact forever. Can we make a website(like Orkut) where all members of class of 2006 have their homepages? And the activities on that site may include:
Writing testimonials
Updating information about one's whereabouts
Comments Section- Everyone saying good or bad stuff about others
Dinner-table gossips and hostel stories- A section for that
Talk about canteen- various caterers, awesome food, late night snacks etc.
Talk about Sports Complex- TT, Badminton, Football ground etc.
Hostel- Section for each hostel wing
Professors- A section for them
Courses- A section for courses- faves and hates
TAs- A section for TAs
Pics and Videos- Uploading College pics, videos and MMSes
Personal Talks -section where you can reveal crushes, sort out disputes and say things which you always wanted to say
Life after DA-IICT- Aren't you nostalgic?
Make new friends within 2006 batch which you couldn't do during 4 years
Sports Section- Section for various sports
Resource Centre memories
Gandhinagar-The uninhabited vicinity around DA-IICT
Galla Stories- For the uninitiated, its the dhabas just outside college where people talk while taking puffs
Smokers' Club
Drinkers' Club- Watchout for cops, Land of Gandhi afterall
Hang-out Places in G'nagar or A'bad where we had fun- FR, City Pulse, R-World etc.
Girls!!- Can the website be complete without this?
Girls only section- must be atleast viewable by everyone
Semesters 1-8 section
Sector 7 and 8 (where we stayed during 1st sem,for the uninitiated)
CAT and GRE prep days
Placement fever
Entra Talk- Telugu Stuff which we cant understand :)
Daddu's Shop!
Computer Gaming- Isn't DA-IICT a lot about this?
SPI and CPI talks
Projects
Rural Internship- Those were the best days..
Industrial Internship
Research Internship
Reunion- Plans, City meetings etc.

and I'll add more as I remember.

Just imagine! Something like www.da-iict2006.com , where you log in and feel like being back in college!
So what do we need for this??100 GB to start with? How much does it cost? Even a forum( strictly moderated)will serve our purpose, as we have to talk only! If you fellow DA-IICTians clinch this idea then we can go about this. Do let me know asap!

PS- On April Fools Day, I made someone a big fool! The guy was totally shaken up and since he got angry after knowing the reality so I am not putting his name here. For those who love to solve riddles, he is a "happy frog".

Those days, when we blogged...

Hey! If you're a regular blogger, or an irregular blogger, or a frequent blog visitor, or an infrequent blog visitor, or a one-time blog visitor or at least heard of people who write blogs, you could have remembered the ancient glorious days of blogging. There was passion which tailored our blogs, there were ideas which enthralled or were supposed to enthrall blog-readers, there was a burgeoning urge to express our views, there were no barriers and we were free to choose anything and everything. Those days, when we blogged, we eagerly waited for others to express themselves and if something opposed our belief, we were overly keen to put forth our debatable views.

Time has changed. In DA-IICT, everyone is busy now. All we fourth yearites are slogging for CAT, GRE whatever and now midterms are around the corner. I firmly believe that an efficient person should be able to separate two distinct domains of life so that they don't interfere. With respect to this, I've failed without fail. Its not like we're mugging 10 hours a day, not anyone I'm sure, but this is more because we've put ourselves in an invisible cage. Even when we're not studying, we either tend to think about it or worry about the things which are beyond our control. I believe I'm one of the least concerned person about exams, but now even I'm behaving like a complete idiot. Even on the eve of Annual Examination, me(and Giri) used to play. On one such day,I blogged too.

What delineates this misery? First one is pretty immanent, we're all lazy sloth. Our inner self still considers spending time infront of computer screen a way of passing time, so during days with high academic workload we avoid it as much as possible. Blogging is considered to be a creative and innovative way to bakar. Wasn't it always like that? A blog a fortnight will not harm. Come on, atleast consider blogs as a practice for RC, try to understand the tone of the passage and think if you're likely to agree or disagree with the author. That will really help :) Best of luck.

This day in my history...

Today is June 29th 2005, a simple day, no big event, nothing phenomenal,nothing noticeable infact. Thousands of such days crop in and out. Out of 7756 days of my life so far, only a handful of them are momentous and those fateful days have had lot of substance. Leaving them aside, I(or rather we) have lived in vanilla days.Thanks to my daily dairy entry habit, I can dig out the happenings of even normal prosaic days and relive them in my memories. Let me delve in today, traversing year by year.

29th June

1999- Well it was the summer vacation of class IX...school days yaya!Everything was going so swiftly- no troubles, no tension, no exams to crack! but I was so bored of life.

2000- Yeah so complete vella time! Boards over and I had applied for my new school- DAV JVM, Ranchi. To my parent's disappointment, I chose to go away from my home just to prepare sincerely for engg entrances. Classes were to begin from July 10.

2001- I returned to Ranchi today after completing my summer vacations at home. I wanted to stay for some more time, as going back to Ranchi seemed to be a compromise. I reached Ranchi in morning 0600 by bus and then I decided to go for tution. I had my chemistry tution by Tapan Sir. He was simply a great guy, -14 power spectacles, majestic persona and lightning quick calculation speed which always bedazzled me. I never heard any student saying anything bad about him though he was very strict. I always used to be 'characteristically' late in his class, but he always allowed me to enter though no one can never expect such leniency from him. But the tution was cancelled that day, so I came back and did my favourite thing...yeah I slept!

2002- My seat in DA-IICT was confirmed and I came back to Muzaffarpur just two days back after counselling. I was looking forward for college, and excited about my future. Don't remember much!

2003- I was in Mumbai, my father was operated four days back. My friend Danish and my mother arrived just one day back. After weeks of trauma, I was so happy to see my mother and one of my best friends Danish. Danish and I roamed in Mumbai whole day, I will always remember the fun! First we went to my guesthouse, but I forgot to bring the keys and we could not even enter. It was raining so heavily that all local trains either running late or not running. We went to Bandra by bus, got down and got fully drenched in rain. Then we went to Khar station walking and it pouring down so heavily that I cant even see. We took a train to Andheri and after getting down we were haunted by the infamous Mumbai stray dogs, finally we reached his uncle's house.

2004- I was ill:feverish and enlarged tonsilitis. Also I met with an accident few days back, so still I had to go for dressing everyday.

2005- Here I'm today, getting up at 1330, watching rain, studying for RI, enhancing my vocabulary, writing blogs...

Crossing out one more day!!

Renaissance

Time travels unidirectionally and continually. Life is a chronology of events. Everything fades away with time but sometimes I wonder how some experiences are rejuvenated. There are certain things which follow a fixed cycle of time like day night, seasons, crops etc. which are tenable but at the same time certain phenomena strike back off guard. I remember few days ago a person(ex-tenant) asked me for my number. I gave him my home's landline number. He was bent down to write it on a piece of paper and suddenly he rolled his eyes to look up impressively and said "oh, you have a landline no.!" and I just smiled and replied politely "yeah, it's a reliance landline." So what is the whole idea??? Mobiles have outnumbered landlines, not just in quantity but also in popularity and ease of use. Youngsters, especially girls, have mobiles all the time in their hands. This is the reason why my uncle was surprised to know that I've a landline number too, and settled people these days choose landline over mobiles thanks to radiation, high rates and senility.

One of my online friend wrote in her profile that she doesn't like shorthand sms-lingoed typing, nor do I. At one time it was even a fashion to make grammar mistakes intentionally( i cum for I will come) alongwith raping spellings, but now I see many people showing their faith in english grammar. I agree it saves time, but don't you think it is avoidable, if possible? Thanks to blogging, I'm back to real English. Fashion repeats itself, very true. There was a time when it was jeans, jeans and blue jeans everywhere and now people have shifted back to good old trousers. Thankfully I was never guided by jeans mania, readymade trousers looks good, feels good, costs good and is good. Girls were eager to shed their clothes one time but now I feel that full length trousers/jeans and top have become a feminine symbolism on most general occasions. However skirts are more sexier as they leave a scope for imagination to run wild!

When I was a school kid, I discovered chess and I liked it a lot. I asked my other friends to play with me, and they retorted back " Are you a nerd? Chess is for old people and politicians." and I consider this as a highly offensive and derogatory remark, but time has changed. Now when you hear someone playing chess, the general impression is that the person has intellect, patience and sharp thinking abilities. Playing chess is nowadays not considered to be old-fashioned, thats very good. There is a tremendous uprise in cultural restaurants like the ones where you'll get to feel like village, being served on plant leaves by waiters dressed as villagers. Hubble-Bubble(Hookah) have found a decent place among all classes of people esp. youngsters. These entities were considered outmoded once, but now with time they are back in a city resident's life.

What brings them back in action? We have not reached at a saturation level where nothing else can be invented anymore, but then why do we redeem outdated stuff? One reasoning I propose is that we may not pretend but from inside we consider too much modernization as a fad and we have some sense of cultural heritage. We accept new world of ATMs, wi-fi readily, but we do not wish to let go what our previous generation has accomplished. This way we maintain a delicate balance between modernity and old practices and extract the best out of both worlds.

Three years

25th February 2002: I filled up the form for DA-IICT
12th May 2002: National Entrance Test Conducted
24th June 2002: DA-IICT counselling, seat allotted
29th April 2005: Semester VI Completed
Three years have passed, three years of college, three years of ICT, three years of solitary confinement, three years of relentless rummage, three years of virtuous gentility,three years of something more...
So here do I stand at the end of third year of the coveted engineering(based on the major assumption that I'm not getting F in any course this sem). I've never been successful in envisaging about the future, but a reminiscence of past has always been rewarding.

Sem I- New day, new start, new friends, new motivation, new life.
Highlight: Hookup with a tall supposedly most beautiful girl of this college
Sem II- Carelessness, Sleep, Bunking, Movies, untidiness, recklessness
Highlight: Approaches to Indian Society result
Sem III- quagmire, homesickness, crushes, fighting with Hardik,developing some interests
Highlight:JAVA project and the world's most infamous viva, nightmare!
Sem IV- Coming back to life, cool, easy, information theory, thinking about GRE,CAT etc, self-motivation
Highlight: ummmmmmmm... none!
Sem V- Leaving hostel, Chakka's lectures, disastrous midsems, bewildered objectives
Highlight: Shifting to 1318, Sector-2
Sem VI- Ok this is fresh!! A synopsis!!

MCS- Attendance was a nightmare!! Due to some unavoidable circumstances I missed most of the attendance. Still not sure that he'll pass me or not on this basis. However the course was great, loved the concepts.
SEN- he he he ...roflol....
SEN project was epitome of teamwork, with everyone knowing how not to work and blame on others.
MLA- How three hours can change a life???A disaster!!! I gave 5 out of first 5 popquizzes, did well and was nearing a probable A, but last three hours of the course i.e. last lecture(sixth pop quiz, that I missed) and two hours final exam ruined everything. The quizzes I gave were of weightage 5 and some of 10, and last one which I did not give was whopping 20, and final I fucked up so A to C/D in 3 hrs, unmatchable!!!!!
RFE- I dont like smith charts. Actually if you're planning to make numerous circles on a piece of paper then make them concentric,otherwise it will look so dirty and messed up.
LAC- easyyyyyyy, ma'm always went easy on me... had fun discussing in class..never I opened my mouth more than what I did in LAC.

So this is the story, the languish end to a misery... and more to come!

Retrospection of first 21 years of my life... Part II

Contd. from Part I ...

Lovelife was never kickstarted though I kept applying oil to the wearyteary parts of love engine. Though I took a couple of valiant efforts, and a couple of generous invitation fell on my side but I never got my mind into it. This is one area where I cannot afford to compromise. The wait may be painstaking but the reward is worth its value.As I have already stated somewhere that love is a monotonically decreasing function of time, so longer you wait, dimmer your chances are!! So the idea is simple, girls are welcome!

Academics, I could have scored a lot more than what I've got provided I had studied. But with my restless mind, I just cannot concentrate on one thing.But still I am deeply satisfied with my performance throughout my life.I have lived my life in shambles, totally disorganized in a state of anarchy and chaos. I keep my room unclean( kviv, dont comment) and there's no schedule in my life. I have heard of something called time management but never applied. Needless to say, I would like to amend this thing.

What do I expect from next 21 years of my life, assuming I'm alive and sane to celebrate my 42nd birthday?
* Do not repeat the mistakes that I have committed, half the problems will go away.
* Speak when necessary.It's good to value your words, but dumbness is not an invaluable trait.
* Dare to take risks, and dare to lose. But learn by experience.
* Don't live a sedentary life.
* Many more, time will come, not everything can be planned.

Retrospections are painstaking. You should never do that.

Retrospection of first 21 years of my life... Part I

Opening the book of my life....

I've turned 21 today! I'm 21, legally 'marriageable' but who cares for that, when you've to kickstart your own life.Its a great day for me, today I can see myself as a sane individual. The personality of a individual is greatly dependent on the way s/he is brought up as a kid (for all those who have attended my creepy 'Child Psychology' prez must be knowing). Right now, I feel I am standing on top of a tower and I'm seeing a newly born healthy baby named Amod and analyzing how he fared in his life in the given conditions. What I could have been and what I am are quite far away, but nevertheless I love myself and I'm grateful to all those who have showered me with their love and benevolence.

Childhood are best days of one's life. I have had a great caring family in sound economic condition hence I started better off than millions. I was introvert and never had urge to speak my heart out. Being the most silent kid, I was considered as a suspicious mysterious creature in class and my excellent academic performance( good ol' days) labelled me as intelligent, a burden that I had to carry unwantedly for all of my life. Today I feel I should have talked to a few guys because silence is intriguing and hardly gives you any scope to socialize. My family was li'l over protective about me which hindered my natural development to some extent, but they're right from their point of view. When my father got transferred to Muzaffarpur in 1992 I came to a bigger school and saw new kind of animals(ppl). I made new friends and learnt a lot. But I had never mustered the courage to do something different, though I always wished to. That is one part which I would like to change, incase I go back in time. Being selective is appreciable, but neglecting the basics is not, thats one more thing which needs amendment. I was never a deprived kid, I could've got whatever I'd have asked for but I never had any demands. Now I repent when I realize that I spent my kiddays without this. The kind of relationship kids share in school is purest, and those memories are most cherished.

I'm lucky to get good friends. I have really amazing friends who are good at heart(comments plz!!!). Back in school days, though I never cared to mixed up but I was always taken care of and considered to be a part of the group. Even in college, I'm so popular for absolutely no specific reason at all. And I've got lovely nicknames... and the story behind them is hilarious. But still when I see myself from top of that tower, I feel I have missed a lot. There were many guys(gals included, whenever I say guys) who wanted to be friends with me or I wanted the same, but knowingly or unknowingly I didn't realize it. I wish I find them again during my journey of life.