April 17, 2005

A Vagrant's Quandary

I walk in the corner of a street or corridor always in my characteristic gait. Many ppl find it funny , because when whole path is empty why would someone follow the traffic rules, so tenaciously? Anyways, its my way of doing things, li'l bit whimsical but chalta hai, you too have some idiosyncracies of your own. I've been spotted trolling aimlessly in wee hours of night alone. Most of you have asked me what was I trying to do? Have I turned crazy? Why was I smiling?Or fallen in love kind of stuff, but I never answered to quench your thirst.When everyone else is doing something or other peacefully then why am I, despite having perfectly emblematic life, so tumultuous and living in a persistent quandary?

Not that, I'm searching something. Its not that I'm dreaming about a girl, hallucinating about being a very rich man some day or I've lost control over my mind. Walking in sham pathways of DA-IICT is not gonna yield me anything, I know, but it's all going on in mind which you can't see.What you see is me spending hours in lab, switching from one pc to another,wandering between my room, canteen and sportsground...certain expectations were belied. The whirlwind of emotions and thoughts, makes me so pre-occupied that sometimes I dont know exactly what's going around me. OK leave it, I don't wanna contribute my privy heartfelt feelings to Opensource community. I always think that I will just write simple day-to-day things in blog, but when I start writing, my unmodulated feelings overwhelms my self-control.

My vagrant life is attributed to the fact that I've insatiable hunger. Nothing satisfies me, unfortunately, and I'm not too willing to accept something against my basic instincts. Compromises are hard to make, and commitments even harder. To not value one's own words, is a one of my most hated standpoints. I guess, I have to be a bit more flexible to understand the society around me in a better way, and seek solace. And then I need to concentrate on certain things in a more focussed manner. Peace of mind will come only when I'm sated, and satisfaction will come only when I've agreed upon some covenant between me and people who know me. Let's see if I can strike a balance.

Recently, someone gave me liberty to peep into her life ...ok dont make any guesses, you don't know her. I saw a very sweet,li'l crazy friendly girl who trusted anyone she came across, and then her perfectly satisfied happy life was torn apart by a guy, who didn't knew that there are limits to something. Trust, relationships, betrayal and again trust... thats how life goes on?? isn't it? Her life was a mirror which reflected that why one should not just accept whatever comes their way. You gotta fight to make changes, and that is just because you are unsatisfied and this embarks restlessness. Probably that's why I do troll aimlessly knowing it won't do any good for me. Time is ticking away... *sigh*... take care

28 comments:

Bhavesh said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Bhavesh said...

thats wht i told u chuchu...try as u may, here goes another contribution 2 feelings@opensource...
hey, the pixies song is good yaar... btw i hv the movie(fightclub), if u wanna c it(again?).

amod said...

@bhavesh- I'm transparent. yo, pixies is fabulous... but movie is good 4 watching once only

Vivek Pabari said...

never knew my roomie was so philosophical!

I agree with you. When the deluge of thoughts and emotions rises in one's mind and you cannot share it with others it becomes very difficult to rest at one place. The uneasiness easily dominates our mind and all other priorities.

Btw, the language was fantastic.

EktzZ said...

:) I agree with Viki.

Naresh said...

Wonderful writing man! The next time I see u trolling arnd the corridors, I know the answer y[;)]

ravishing nymph said...

hmm mhmm the one day i m away u have to write nice stuff.. kick kick.. punch.. :) its ok im all thumbs up for the putting-of-privy-thoughts/emotions-up-for-public-scrutiny.. i guess once one is able to do that without any inhibitions.. one gets happier.. ki haal hai?..

amod said...

@viki-rem the 1st time v were talking in canteen abt blog, i told u dat i tend 2 be philo... but i'm njoying it...bsides it imprvs lang. too!
@ektz-thanxxxx
@naresh-hero, u r my biggest admirer :p
@nymph-ya getting public was li'l bit inspired by reading ur blogs! where hav u been?long time no c...

Smartalec said...

bravo bravo!! brilliant style of writing! man, i'm impressed!
and now i know abt ur queer ways of life, so no more questions....
look down n trot on d edges of all the paths that u traverse all u want! i ain't gonna ponder on that from now on!

Prasoon said...

gawd.. such a craze..
n Blogging is sure to rize amod, u can never get out of its cruches..somehow it pulls u towards revealing all what happens not in ur day but also in ur mind that day..
Keep penning it down, someday u'll see what it reflects.. n whom it helps:)

Vivek Pabari said...

Ya, I remember when u said that you won't write because you would then become too philsophical.

But fortunately, you started writing and were also true to your words - you have become Philosphical.

Let us have more discourses.

Harass No More said...

Your blog really suck!

A courtesy note from http://thestupidblogs.blogspot.com.

amod said...

@prasoon-true yaar, sometimes words flow staright frm heart...
@viki- sure!
@stupid blog- no wonder you got this name

Sarat Chandra Addepalli said...

dude, i gotta open dictionary.com for even skimming your blog, let alone reading and understanding what's written. hmm, our li'l chuchu is no more li'l than me, atleast in the upstairs department....

anubhav said...

nice work..dude
carry on..

best of luck for ur exams..

Kroopa Shah (Kr00pz) said...

Interesting post...

ravishing nymph said...

amod .. refer to sarat's comment againt... emphasising on "atleast" .. and hunt him down around campus.. take a couple of big heavy friends and beat him up :)...

shaan said...

u should listen to this !!
"
but I'll take my time anywhere
free to speak my mind anywhere
and I'll redefine anywhere
anywhere I may roam
where I lay my head is home
"
... Metallica
gud post :)

Diabolical Angel! said...

u write well! Ur post was like my heart on paper...just put across in a batter manner!!
wud keep visitin!:)

amod said...

@nymph-sarat is confused... let him understand the blog world in a better way :p
@kroopa- thx for visiting
@shaan - nice song with meaningful lyrics
@sarat-how abt a game of scrabble?
@diabolic angel- wow what a compliment! I'm overwhelmed... cya again

Sarat Chandra Addepalli said...

teehee...

our li'l mousie tousie coming to beat me up? whee, that sounds like fun!

hey btw, whenever you're free, drop in at my room. the scrabble board's crying out for you. gathering dust in a dark li'l corner, it's waiting for the li'l lab rat that'll come and bring it out into daylight. or nightlight even, if that's preferred.

so ciao :)

@nymph: which act of vandalism on my part merits that esteemed reaction from thyself?

amod said...

@sarat confused- Shaan had a very good poit. COmment box of a blog shd be related to blog only.what say?

Sarat Chandra Addepalli said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Sarat Chandra Addepalli said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Bhavesh said...

ppl, there is a way in which u can delete the comment without leaving other mortals(like me) curious (remove all trace of the comment). just tick the checkbox when you confirm the deletion of the comment. i cant sleep at night if i dont get to know the deleted comment on amod's blog. its been 3 months since i slept at night.

ravishing nymph said...

hmm, our li'l chuchu is no more li'l than me, atleast in the upstairs department....

sarat ...this one!

Amod said...

@bhavesh- deleting comments in ur way will unnecessarily decrease comment count... and u know i dont want that
@isha-can u elaborate on upstairs department?

Vivek Pabari said...

hey amod,

what about this :

Those who write clearly have readers, those who write obscurely have commentators.
--Albert Camus




Came acorss this quote on google!